Multiracial Parenting Advice: My Daughter Says She’s Black. What About Me, Don’t I Count In Her Ancestry?

multiracial children

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OMG! I love your website. I’m Korean-American and have been married to my African-American husband for 13 years. We have two beautiful children, a son and daughter.

My 7 year old daughter had an assignment from school to describe herself in three paragraphs or more. When I proofread her essay for errors, I was more shocked about the content than anything else.

My daughter wrote that she was a ‘black girl’. I am very familiar with the term ‘blasian’ and was expecting her to use that or simply describe herself as African-American and Asian. When I asked her why she described herself as black, she said it was easier than having to explain to people that she’s of mixed race ancestry.

Well where does that leave me in the equation? Don’t I count at all? I was upset and discussed this with my husband. He seems to think it’s OK. How is this OK? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Hi XXXX,

Thanks for liking the site! No, you are not over-reacting. I would have been upset as well. Interestingly, we have an article about this topic titled ‘Identity Crisis: Black, White, Brown…which one are you?.’ You should probably hold a family meeting and discuss this because if she’s only claiming one race, perhaps she’s ashamed of her multi-ethnicity as a result of being teased in school.

Find out what the problem is and address it immediately. I would love to hear back from you to find out how things go.

For parents of multiracial and single race children, here are a few resource about teaching your children about race and different cultures as they’ll be exposed to it in school:

Happy KolorBlind parenting!

P.S. XXXX used the Contact Us form to ask her question. You can too should you need multiracial parenting advice.

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9 thoughts on “Multiracial Parenting Advice: My Daughter Says She’s Black. What About Me, Don’t I Count In Her Ancestry?

  1. Oops. I think she might be getting bullied in school and that’s why she’s claiming black. I’m blasian too and I look a lot more Asian than I do black and I used to get called all sort of names from ‘chink’ to my classmates slanting their eyes. It was horrible. Maybe you should go to the school and talk to her teacher and principle as well. My parents had to do that and threaten to sue the school before it all stopped.

  2. I feel your pain. I think having a family meeting and discussing it will help. If she’s getting bullied in school, that’s another issue you need to address quickly. I had the race talk with my kids early on so we wouldn’t have this type of issue.

  3. If her school or friends are mostly black, they are probably trying to make her ashamed of being anything else than black. This is a common “thing” in the black community. That’s why her father has no problem with it. It’s a known fact, watch tyra, dark-skinned girls are very envious of light-skin girls. They think jealousy gives them a reason to bully people different from them. My niece went through the same thing. No matter how many of my guy friends would comment on how pretty she was, she always wished she was darker and always claimed to be black, so she wouldn’t be made fun of by her girlfriends. She didn’t want to be different. But if it was the other way around, I bet her father would feel how you feel. But that’s just my experience, yours could be something else completely different. Just something to watch out for.

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