The Top 5 Rules To Interracial Dating

An interracial relationship (miscegenation) is defined as: Cohabitation, sexual relations, marriage, or interbreeding involving persons of different races, especially in historical contexts as a transgression of the law.

Study/Statistics

Studies show that the number of interracial marriages involving whites, blacks and Hispanics each year in the United States has jumped tenfold since the 1960s, but the older individuals are, the less likely they are to partner with someone of a different race, finds the new study. This study does not put into account relationships between blacks and Asians or Asians and whites and other relationships between ethnic groups.

From 2000 to 2010, the number of Americans who considered themselves multiracial grew faster than those who self-identify as a single race, with the largest gains coming in the once racially segregated South and among those who identify as both white and black, according to a new U.S. Census Bureau report.

Those identifying with multiple races grew by 32 percent over the decade, for a total of 9 million. Single-race identifiers grew by just 9.2 percent, according to the 2010 Census, which also showed the slowest overall population growth rate since the Great Depression.interracial familyNinety-two percent (92%) of those who reported being multiracial checked just two races on the Census questionnaire. Among the rest, 7.5 percent identified with three races and less than 1 percent reported four or more races.

The first constitutionally mandated decennial population count was conducted in 1790, but Americans weren’t given the option to identify with more than one race until the 2000 Census. Although government officials expected significantly more people to check more than one box the second time around, the new analysis offers demographers their first crack at comparing changes in racial identification over time. 

These studies confirm the rise of interracial/interethnic relationships, and the rise of children born as a result of these relationships.

What is Miscegenation?

Miscegenation is the umbrella term/definition of an interracial relationship. This is a relationship between a person of one race (Caucasian, Asian, Negroid) with another race.

This does not take into account an interethnic relationship, which is defined as a relationship between a person of a sub-race (a sub-group of the three races or a person of mixed race heritage; i.e. Ethiopian in a relationship with an Afro-Panamanian or a person of mixed race in a relationship with one of the three races).

Do I have to be in an interracial relationship?

There is absolutely no law that mandates you date outside of your race! Love cannot be forced! As much as no one can impose love of a certain type of race on anyone, people continue to fall in love with the people they are most attracted to. In many cases, these are people of other races and/or ethnic groups.

Since the landmark Loving v. Virginia ruling, the number of interracial marriages has soared; for example, black-white marriages increased from 65,000 in 1970 to 422,000 in 2005, according to Census Bureau figures. It’s been over 40 years and the number of interracial relationships and children of mixed racial heritage continues to soar.

The Loving’ set the path for generations to come and that path is being followed on a daily basis!

Where do I begin?

Since starting this blog, I have received numerous requests and questions from people who are interested in dating someone of another race or ethnic group but are either afraid or don’t know where to even begin. The consensus is that they will be turned down or they need to change their lifestyle or become a different person altogether in order to attract someone of another race.

What doesn’t help is the plethora of websites who in an attempt to make interracial dating attractive and alluring, portray it as the only acceptable relationship type to certain races. This has caused a major ‘pushback’ in the acceptance of interracial relationships, as the consensus is, people are only in the relationship to advance their social status thereby portraying certain people as narcissistic.

As much as KolorBlind Magazine is dedicated and devoted to promoting interracial/interethnic relationships, its goal is not to undermine same race/ethnic group relationships. In fact, it is in support of all healthy relationships.

If you are attracted to someone of another race or ethnic group, you should let them know. At the end of the day, a relationship whether interracial, interethnic or same race, is no different than any relationship. If dating/relationship rules are applied, that love should be complication free.

When I realized I was attracted to the Caucasian race, I didn’t know where to look for information. I didn’t know what to expect. I wasn’t sure if it would work out. These and more are some of the concerns that plague people who have at one point considered dating outside of their race.

I have put together a list of the top 5 rules that will help govern you in your new conquest. Although this list serves as a guideline, it should not replace one’s individual dating/relationship experience or personality.

5 rules to interracial dating

Here are the top 5  rules to interracial dating you need to know:

1. Race Preference

The first step, which should determine whether you’re ready to date interracially or not, is to figure out the  race and/or ethnic group you’re attracted to. This ought to be easy, as you’ll mostly notice men or women of that particular race. Some people are only attracted to a particular race while some don’t have a preference.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you if you are black and only attracted to Asian men/women! We all have our preferences and should never make an excuse for them.different races fused together

2. Location

If you do not live in a mixed community, you’re going to have to do a little more work and choose different ‘hang out’ spots. This means traveling outside of your comfort zone and socializing with people you are not used to socializing with. There’s a saying that if you want to see different results, you need to start doing things differently.map

3. Stereotype/Prejudice

Regardless of how much we deny it, we are all prejudice to a certain extent. We associate certain looks with ideologies that we learned growing up. We are accustomed to stereotyping certain countries or nationalities. Dating outside your race/ethnic group will not work for you, if you do not rid yourself of stereotypes and/or prejudice.

Not every Asian woman or man is Chinese! Africa is not a country but a continent and not everyone who comes from African speaks the same language or knows one another! Not every man or woman who is from Jamaica and wears ‘dreadlocks’ smokes marijuana!

It is advisable to do a little research on the country/culture of the man/woman you are trying to attract before you make your move. This way you won’t come across as being ignorant.stereotype 1

4. Body Language/Demeanor
Since you are trying to attract someone of a different race, it’s important to be more conscious and aware of your surrounding and demeanor. Flirting should be your friend at this point.

It is said that only 7% of communication is verbal communication. (see note) 38% of it depends on our intonation, or the sound of our voice. The largest chunk of communication is body language, which takes up the remaining 55%. The art of flirting is expressed with gestures and subtle actions – also known as body language. Non-verbal communication is often more important than words.

This artful dance makes it possible for strangers to become comfortable with each other, even at their first exchange of words. People become at ease with others when they find the other person pleasant. People appear pleasant as a result of showing interest in others via their body language cues. Your body language will send out messages of ‘I’m single’, ‘I like you’ and more.

So be more friendly and make eye contact. You never know when cupid could strike. Ellen Pompeo of Grey’s Anatomy met her husband (interracial) in a grocery store. They first made eye contact and the conversation started from there.

If you’re afraid of making the first move, you have to understand that you are not alone. A lot of men/women are afraid and hesitant at first when they’re new to dating outside their race. It takes a while to come to terms with wanting to date interracially. So even if a man or woman finds you attractive, they might be very hesitant to approach you since they don’t know if you are open to dating other races. It’s your job to be a bit more proactive in the pursuit. Give hints here and there to get the ball rolling.bodylanguage

5. Online Dating/Social Media
If #1 – #4 don’t work out for you after a while, I suggest you try online dating. As much negative review as online dating has received, there are millions of people who have met their significant other through this avenue. Case in point actress Essence Atkins. The actress met her husband on Match.com. If it can work for a celebrity, it can work for anyone.

Try different dating sites to increase your chances. In addition, Join social media outlets (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) The more you put yourself out there, the better results you’ll receive. Also let people around you know you’re open to dating outside your race. You never know who they know, and who they could match-make you with.online dating image 1

Interracial relationship warning signs

  • Ladies, just because he’s of a different race does not make him any less a man than all the other men you’ve ever dated! One thing I can guarantee you is, that men are all almost the same regardless of race. They just have more/less money, more/less attitude, more/less home training, are more/less mature, etc.
  • Gentlemen, just because she’s of a different race does not make her any less a woman than all the other women you’ve ever dated. If anything, she’s going to be more ‘womany’ than all the other women you’ve dated. This is particularly true of black women.
  • Just because your man/woman loves you with all their heart does not mean their friends or family will accept you. There are no guarantees their families of friends will be accepting of your relationship. If you come across a family or group of friends who treat you with disdain, know you’re not alone and it takes time to win people over.
  • As with any relationship mutual respect is very important. Chances are you don’t have the same taste in music, don’t like the same TV programs, don’t necessarily like the same food or restaurants. It’s important to respect each other’s beliefs/likes/customs. Try to find a middle ground.
  • Caucasian Men: just because you’re dating a black woman does not give you the right to use the “N” word. There should be no joking around with “Nigga” especially around your girlfriend’s friends or family members. The consequences could be grave.
  • African Queens or should I say ‘KolorBlind Queens‘: just because you’re dating a Caucasian man does not give you the right to use  “Red Neck” jokingly or otherwise. It’s just as bad as using the “N” word.
  • Do not assume that just because a person is from a certain culture or ethnic background that the person fits the stereotype of all people from that ethnicity or culture. There is a great deal of diversity within a culture. Some people may “look” ethnic but, may not identify with that ethnic group. (Do not assume you know everything about his/her culture). Understanding the similarities and differences can help prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings between you and your partner.

An important step when dating someone, especially in an interracial relationship, is to talk about each others values and beliefs.

Are there books on interracial relationships?

There are a million and one books written on interracial relationships. Some are written from a personal experience standpoint; some are written as guides on how to raise a multicultural family; some are written as a guide on how to raise multiracial children and some are written in forms of novels.

There are a plethora of books, too many books to list, so I won’t reference any particular one. But KolorBlind Magazine features a monthly book suggestion column to address different topic areas addressing the ‘KolorBlind Life’. Each book/topic focuses on a different view point.

Search for KolorBlind Book of the Month to view the list of reading suggestions.

Good luck!

Hopefully it doesn’t take you too long to find love, real love I mean. Don’t be in a rush. If it’s the first time dating out of your race for the both of you, you’re in for a real treat. The thought of actually dating someone you’ve only dreamed or fantasized about will keep both of you longing for each other.

I do hope when you find your journey won’t take longer than anticipated, but even if it does, love is so beautiful, it will definitely be worth the wait. Good luck!

Credit: Princess Temi is the founder of KolorBlind Magazine, which she started to provide she lacked when she first started dating interracially.  resource. The lack of resource and a support group at the time later prompted her to start KolorBlind Magazine. The tips she’s provided in this article have been proven and work. Of course, results may vary slightly per individual.

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45 thoughts on “The Top 5 Rules To Interracial Dating

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  2. Very helpful and useful like others have said. I like this a lot. I’ll definitely be sharing this article.

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  41. Interracial relationships are for people that want attention. Lots of pretty black women but the black male wants the trophy white woman. Black men being who they are will blame the black woman- even label her as difficult to excuse his venturing out. White women want the adventure or have daddy issues. Truth is White Males and Black females see this and neither has any craving to date outside. White women only find out later that they cannot come back. Can’t think of one WW who has crossed and came back successfully. It’s a dead end road.

  42. I find rule #1 to be extremely offensive. It’s as if to say all women/men of an ethnicity have the same phenotype because of their ethnicity. As if there is something that would make all black women or white women or black men or Asian women etc…desirable as a category. Within an ethnic group there are many different phenotypes and people ranging from extreme to androgynous genders. Rule 1 also does not acknowledge the fact that our society is racist/classist and that there are many biases for or against certain ethnic groups. It is a terrible “rule” to normalize and renders this whole site offensive and unreadable. People are not accessories, real relationships are about individuals. Take it down!!

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