Is cheating the new polygamy? Why do men cheat?

Everyday we are bombarded with stories of spouses that look for sexual satisfaction elsewhere. In a world where instant gratification is the only thing we’ve become accustomed to having, it is easier than ever for married men looking to cheat to find a way to break the fidelity bonds.

Stories like the businessman that keeps an apartment for his girlfriend, or the seemingly content spouse that uses anonymous websites to find strangers to meet for an afternoon hotel tryst, and the hard working executive family man letting off steam on a “guys” trip only to visit a hotel suite filled with young women who are half his unsuspecting wife’s age. All these stories are commonplace.

What about the lives of those who remain faithfully monogamous, where monogamy has become the exception rather than the rule? I wanted to hear how they make it work. And so I sat down with three married, monogamous men to find out how they have kept vows they made many years before and what makes them different. They have allowed me to share their stories.

What about stories of new lovers who claim to love each other and then cheat before they’re even engaged or married? Can this be considered cheating? Is cheating only applicable when you’re married?

Are the consequences different when you’re still dating as opposed to when you’re married?

We’ll focus on married men in this segment and discuss cheating in other phases of relationships later.

In certain African and Islamic cultures polygamy is a way of life and permissible by law. The inclusion of the Islamic culture makes it even more valid as the Quran states that a man is allowed to have up to four wives as long as he can provide for them all. In the Western Society where religion does not play into culture, the thought of having more than one wife at the same time would be considered sacrilege.

How is that even possible you ask? How can a man have four wives and fulfill his marital obligation to all of them? Why would any woman allow her husband to marry another wife?

In those cultures where it is allowed, women are raised to be extremely submissive which could also be considered a form of suppression. These women are raised to acknowledge the fact that their husbands will marry other women and they in turn must be accepting and accommodating.

In the cultures in which I’m referring to, not only are the current wives accommodating, but they are also involved in a welcoming ceremony that officially acknowledges the new wife. The wives are forbidden from fighting with one another, because even if they do, they aren’t going anywhere unless a grave offence like adultery is committed.

Can you imagine seeing four women dress alike, going to parties together, being best of friends? Well, this is the scenario in most homes where all four wives live.

Can you imagine life with a sexual roster. A roster similar to a food roster in your home where each wife picks a day or a week when her husband will spend time with her?

Some women say they prefer their husbands to marry his total quota of wives so he isn’t tempted to cheat. But I’ve seen cases where a man has four beautiful wives at home and still cheats. I guess some men are insatiable.

My experience with the above scenario has always been that you can’t satisfy one woman all the way let alone four. Even with one or more wives, men still cheat, so is there anything that can stop a man from cheating? The answer is NO. Only a man can choose to be content with the woman he’s with. It has nothing to do with the women herself but has a lot to do with a man’s contentment.

Check out the question and answer session conducted by Angela Lutin – a writer and sex & relationship advice columnist. The survey was conducted on three married men and asked a few simple questions:

Question: Why do you think married men cheat on their spouses?

Married Man 1: It’s a grass is greener thing. Sure, we all go through it sometimes thinking our lives are routine and maybe momentarily think “what if” but I’ve never once been tempted by something strong enough that would ever break my loyalty to my wife. Married Man 2: It’s not just to your wife, it’s loyalty to my family. I look at my life like this: My kids come first, then my wife, and then me. If I do something to disrespect my kids and my wife, only to satisfy myself, then the order is wrong.

Question: So are you tempted by other women?

Married Man 1: Every single day. Who isn’t? Married Man 2 & 3: Reluctantly nod in silence.

Question: Do you think monogamy goes against inherent male traits?

Married Man 1: Yeah, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Married Man 2 & 3: N/A

Question: Do you think your wives get tempted as well?

Married Man 2: I don’t think my wife runs into situations like that. Married Man 3: My wife is hot. I’m sure guys hit on her all the time. I just don’t want to know about it.

Question: Obviously, the role of making a home for the family is sometimes underrated. Do you think because your wives being content in this role has something to do with why your marriages are successful?

Married Man 2: I come from a very traditional background. My parents have been married over 40 years. I learned from them that the order of importance is: my kids, my wife, and then me. No matter what. That is really what makes my marriage successful. That loyalty to them comes above anything else. Married Man 3: I think I can speak for all of us and say that we give our wives a very long leash. They go out, they go away for girls’ weekends and there is trust. They give us the same. I wouldn’t want a relationship where my wife told me I couldn’t play golf on a Sunday or play in a softball league every week. When you start putting too many restrictions on your partner, that’s when someone looks for a way to rebel.

Question: What are the biggest misconception about men and marriage that you’d like to clear up?

Married Man 3: It’s much more important to me that she orgasms during sex. I think women believe all we care about is getting ourselves off, but in reality, I don’t feel like a man unless I’ve satisfied my woman. Married Man 1: People who are having sex don’t get divorced. It’s that simple. Married Man 2: No marriage is perfect. It takes work. You don’t give up on your family for sex. Ever.

After reading this article, is cheating the new polygamy? Why do men cheat? I’d love to hear from you.


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