Hey Ladies, this is a topic we need to address quickly and try to find a solution before the next generation becomes caught up.
I understand the burning desire to be with a ‘rich man’ (hey, who doesn’t want the finer things in life?), but we need to be sensible in our decisions. I get the fact that you grew up poor and you’re tired of the poverty that has been following your family. I’m with you on trying to change your family’s dynamic and trying to make a change starting with you. I’m with you on dating the best man out there. What I’m not down with, is my fellow sisters misusing the opportunity that comes with dating/birthing a child/marrying a ‘rich man’. I’m tired of seeing it on TV. I’m tired of reading about it in the magazines, newspaper, online, on Twitter, hearing about it on the radio. I’m just frigging TIRED!
So you’re lucky enough to snag yourself a ‘baller’ (by Baller I’m referring to any man who has a Net Worth) because your momma blessed you with great assets (good looks). You both have the ‘hots’ for each other or so you both think. You get pregnant (why not especially if he’s doing it unprotected) and now you’re giggling every second because all you can see is $$$$$$$$. I need you to STOP right there!
Now the baby is born and the first thing you can think of before naming the baby is filing for Child Support. I need you to STOP right there!
You go ahead to file the necessary paperwork since he’s already requested for a DNA and you’re lucky the child is his. You’re asking for $100,000 a month because you just birthed a ‘baller baby’. I need you to STOP right there!
If you wake me up in the middle of the night, I’ll tell you that a ‘real man’ takes pride in providing for his children, wife/woman and family. So I’m with you on him taking care of his child, however the method in which women are going about it…is where I’m kind of not ‘down’ with.
- First off, unless you live in a run-down home where if I were to come visit you I would need a Security Guard, I don’t see the need for you to now move to Beverly Hills simply because you just birthed a ‘baller baby’. Let’s be reasonable a bit. If the apartment or home you currently live in is safe, clean, etc. I don’t see why you cannot continue to live there with your baby.
- Second off, why do you now need 3 nannies, 2 chefs, 3 Security Guards, 3 Luxury Vehicles all of a sudden? Trust me, in this economy, “ain’t no one gonna try to kidnap your child”! Don’t go overboard with your request’.
- Third, your baby is still a BABY so s/he will not be starting Daycare right away or Private School. So why are you asking for the amount you are asking for?
- Fourth, your baby won’t die if s/he does not wear ‘everything Designer’. I am yet to see a baby not develop properly from not wearing ‘Designer garb’.
- Fifth, organic baby formula does not cost’ thousands of Dollars monthly so let’s cut the BS!
- Sixth, unless you are having custom diapers made for your child, we (poor & rich) are all buying Pampers or Huggies at the same price. They don’t ask for more money at the Store simply because you’re a ‘baller’ or a ‘baller’s woman’!
- Seventh, it is not your ‘ballers’ responsibility to cater for all your family members and friends. Let’s be reasonable here. If he does decide to do it, let it be his offer and not you trying to force things on him.
Now that we have gone through some ‘Household Rules’, let talk sista to sista:
I repeat: I’m still with you on snagging the best man out there! Instead of using your child as a ‘PAWN’, why don’t we approach things differently:
- Calculate how much it would actually cost to raise your child that year and break it up into 12 payments. Notice I said ‘your child’ and not ‘you and your child’. We’ll get to you in a minute. Be very reasonable here. I would rather have a sizeable amount come in monthly for the next 18 years than have a huge chunk come in for only 2 years and then when my ‘baller’ goes broke my child and I have to go without. If he’s a ‘baller’ chances are you’re not the only one who wants him. There are a million other women out there who want him.
- Once you’ve discussed it with him (yes communication is key). Try to reach a middle ground. Don’t act vindictive or act like you’re entitled to his money. After-all you didn’t work with him to make that money. Always remember that!!!
- While you’re at it, discuss with him about how you want him involved in your child’s life. Oh you forgot about that right? Yeah, I can understand. You were too busy seeing Dollar Signs so how could you have remembered?! Work hard at getting him involved in your child’s life. Who knows he might actually start to like your calm demeanor and pop the question. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? I can see you smiling now…I’m smiling with you (*wink*).
- Now that part about you that I promised. You probably don’t have a job at this point or are doing something you aren’t really passionate about. That’s ok…we all need a break. All the successful people we see around us all got their big break one way or another. It’s what we do with our 5-minutes of fame that counts. I want you to sit down and think about what you are passionate about doing. We are all good at doing something. There is not one human being that God created that isn’t good at something. I don’t care what it is (hair, designing clothes, fashion, food) we are all good at something.
- Once you decided what it is that you enjoy doing and are good at, I need you to do some preliminary research on your profession of choice (Who’s doing it already, what can you do to set yourself apart, how much do you need to get started, how much time will you need to devote to it, how can you market your service or product, etc.)
- Once you’ve gotten all that down and what you need to get started, I need you to get with your ‘baller’ bat those eyelids or whatever it is you do to get his attention and discuss your new profession of choice with him. One of two things will happen, he’ll either show interest or will tell you he cares less. He’s a man after all and they’re necessarily the most sensitive beings on earth.
- If he goes with the latter, I need you to let him know that if you are making your own money, you won’t need much of his. You can even lie to him that you won’t need any of his money (he’s a man…he’ll believe you temporarily). If he’s smart which I think he ought to be, otherwise he won’t be a ‘baller’, he’ll jump at your proposal.
- Your proposal: is for him to write you a check in the amount you need to get your new business started. So say you’ve determined, you need $70,000 to start your new business, he ought to be smart enough to know that him giving you $70,000 is way less than him supporting you and his child for the next 18 years and paying $3,000,000.00.
- When you do get the check or the credit transfer into your account, don’t be a fool and blow the money. Invest it on your new business. There’s nothing more empowering that making your own money and making a name for yourself.
All hail the Boss Chick – the woman who makes her own money. The woman who is respected every time she enters a room. The woman who is talked about enviously among other women even men.
See that wasn’t too bad was it? I hope you can think about this and put this to practice so we can abolish the term ‘Golddigger’ in our society. I hate hearing that word. I also hate all the drama that comes with dating ‘ballers’. We ought to have more respect for ourselves. Plus look at all of the men who were once rich who have gone broke partly because they never invested money they made. A lot of the times, it’s because they didn’t really have too much left after paying for the support of their children. I know you’re thinking that it’s their fault for spreading their sperm like wildfire but it is what it is.
Good luck with everything. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading: Woman 2 Woman Talk: Wise Up Baby Mama.
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