WARNING: This article might cross the paths of ‘Stereotype Lane’ and ‘Generalization Blvd’ but sometimes there are no ways of avoiding both.
I’m a European by birth, African by race and ethnicity and American by nationality. I cannot consider myself African American because of my strong African roots. What does that mean? It means that although I have lived in Europe for half of my life and the other half in the United States; ‘am very western in my lifestyle and behavior, I am still very much African. This makes for interracial dating with my preferred race (Caucasian) somewhat interesting especially if he is trying to act ‘black’.
By acting ‘black’ I mean when he tries to come across as a man who is not prejudice to any race and/or ethnicity and whose list of friends consist’ heavily of black people. This could also mean that he likes to do things atypical of the Caucasian race. If you’re having a hard time picturing this, let me use Eminem (rapper) as an example. His lifestyle is not that of a typical white male. He talks ‘black’, raps ‘black’ and even dresses ‘black’ (urban clothing and can sometimes consist of sagging of pants).
I’m not saying you have to be a rapper to act ‘black’ but if you are heavily influenced by the black community, then chances are you’re going to act ‘black’. For a lot of white males it’s not about acting…this is their lifestyle. What does this have to do with African American women versus African women?
Well, if you are an African woman dating a white male who acts ‘black’, it will come across as annoying. It might sit well with an African American woman because he’ll remind her of some of the men in her family or of a boyfriend she’s dated before. For an African woman, he’ll come across as being a circus performer. As an African woman, we don’t have mothers/aunts who make the best pecan pie, sweet potato pie, collard greens and/or macaroni and cheese. As an African woman, depending on where in Africa you’re from you’ll have a mother/aunt who knows how to make one of the best stews that accompany white rice. She’ll know how to deep fry fish and serve it with some spicy sauce, etc. So for a white man to act ‘black’ around us really won’t trigger any fond memories of our father, brothers, male cousins or ex-boyfriend. We are different and I don’t mean that in a bad way.
We as African women already come from a strong culture which is probably why we tend to gravitate towards white men when we do consider interracial dating. We will most likely not blend well into a Hispanic culture for instance because of the likelihood of ‘clashing’ (this Hispanic culture is known as a strong culture). So as an African woman myself, I would prefer my white boyfriend/fiance/husband to not act ‘black’ but just be himself. If I wanted to date/marry a black man…I would do just that.
Let me get a little bit more specific. I don’t want to be referred to as ‘my girl’, ‘my woman’ or ‘my baby momma’. I would prefer you refer to me as ‘my girlfriend’, ‘my wife’, ‘my son’s mother or daughter’s mother’. I would prefer it if you didn’t ‘yo, yo, yo’ me. I would even appreciate it more if you didn’t use the expression ‘na i mean?’ No, I don’t know what you mean. Perhaps if you explained yourself in a more articulate manner, I would understand what you mean (lol).
I understand that with the emergence and rapid growth of the rap music genre that most all races and ethnic groups think it’s really cool to want to act ‘black’ but I would like to be the one who rains on your parade by saying it’s not necessarily cool.
As an educated adult, I don’t necessarily think it makes sense for me to copy the behaviors or mannerism of high school drop-outs and/or people who proclaim they were former gang-bangers or drug dealers. It defeats my purpose of getting a University education. All things being equal, I do not have anything against anybody’s upbringing or choice of lifestyle. I just feel as an adult we all have choices to make and choose a lifestyle that most represents how we were raised and the values we believe in. Now, if you were raised in the ghetto, I can understand if you do not want to live that same lifestyle and strive to live a better quality life.
Again, I repeat I am not being prejudice here…I am merely stating my own opinion. Do I use some of the terms I listed above? It depends on who I’m interacting with and the type of conversation we’re having. Do I think acting ‘black’ looks better on a black person? Hell yes! We’re black after all. I just don’t like seeing other races and/or ethnicities trying to act ‘black’ especially if you’re dating, engaged to or are married to a black woman.
If she married you, you’re already won the competition. There is absolutely no need to act ‘black’. Just be you. I hope as you read this, the interracial tips to dating an African woman vs. an African-American woman help you in your relationship(s).
- Interracial Relationship Advice: My girlfriend’s parents keep referring to ‘black people’ as ‘you guys’… (kolorblindmag.com)
- Interracial Relationship Advice: What do you suggest for a 1st date? (kolorblindmag.com)
- Interracial couple targeted in Georgia, 23 year-old male Andrew Quade beaten severely by 3 black males (riehlworldview.com)
- Interracial Relationship Advice: Can you give me ideas for an African Interracial wedding? (kolorblindmag.com)
- Why Don’t We Hear About Interracial Dating Much in GQ or Vogue, and Other Non-African-American Media? (alternet.org)